Thursday, February 27, 2014

The Penguins

I, Vulcan Ambassador Chuck, am writing this posting to help my best human friend, Chuck Divine, teach his fellow humans about the most dangerous species on Planet Earth -- The Penguins.

The Penguins have most humans fooled.  They think of The Penguins as a bunch of jolly birds living way down south -- think Antarctica.  They are not!

First, let me tell you a bit of history.  In the 1980s, Argentina tried taking the Falkland Islands away from the British.  To their great surprise, Argentina lost the war!

A few weeks after the war was over, a large group of Penguins, led by a King Penguin and including a big group of Mutant, Zombie Penguins, traveled from their base in Antarctica to Buenos Aires.  While they were marching down the street, they were attacked by an Argentine Army Company.  All the Mutant, Zombie Penguins had to do was to deeply exhale.  That knocked out the Argentine Army Company.  When The Penguins got to government headquarters, they shocked and then delighted Argentina by negotiating an alliance with Argentina.  While they were negotiating this treaty, though, they told Argentina they would have to keep the alliance secret until The Penguins told them they could tell the world.  Argentina was glad to comply.  They realized they now had as an ally the most powerful species on Earth.

What has happened in the past year?  The former Roman Catholic Pope RETIRED.  It has been a long time in human terms since this last happened. Then, who did the Roman Catholic College of Cardinals elect to succeed Pope Benedict?  They elected Pope Francis -- a man from ARGENTINA!!!!

The Penguins have already attempted an attack!  Fortunately for humanity and the larger galaxy, they picked Canberra, Australia on a very special day at a very special time.  They attacked when the Canberra Hash House Harriers were doing their Red Dress Run!  Yes, hash runners sometimes run through the streets of various cities wearing Red Dresses, drinking good beer and singing funny, sometimes dirty, songs.  My human friend, Chuck Divine, has some photos of a Washington, DC Red Dress Run up on his photo blog.  When The Penguins saw the Canberra version of this event, they became confused.  They started laughing, a bit nervously.  This got the attention of the Hash House Harriers.  They approached The Penguins -- with lots of beer in hand.  The Penguins started drinking the beer and laughing at the songs.  That stopped the attack!  The Hashers then rounded up The Penguins and took them to a Secure Location.  The Hashers -- with the help of the Australian government -- are keeping The Penguins inebriated and amused while they figure them out.  Since Hashers are brighter and more open minded than most humans, they seem to be making progress.  The Galactic Federation, while keeping a close eye on what is occurring, does not want to intervene as yet.  Prime Directive and all that.

When is humanity going to wake up and take action?  They need to get their police forces out of their military style uniforms and into Red Dresses!  And supply them with Good Beer!  And teach them a few funny songs!  The Galaxy Wants To Know!


Candace Pankanin said...

I am without words..wait, after reading the above along with the detailed photo coverage of the red dress people I would recommend that you attempt a write at a Sci Fi TV program...Chuck is someone who is one of my favorite people. Hmmm, I didn't see him in any of the Red Dress pictures

Chuck Divine said...

Candace, Thanks for the comment!

This is a link to a photograph of me in a Red Dress and Red Wig with a couple of friends. Normally I am on the other side of the camera.